I mentioned this before, but I wanted to start this 31 days of writing about my cancer experience to express that I feel SO blessed to have had a huge wave of PEACE upon receiving the diagnosis of breast cancer.
Peace with a STRONG feeling that I would NOT DIE from this breast cancer.
I have been plagued with many fears for many years of my life. The fear of death was one of them, once upon a time. So for me to face this breast cancer diagnosis with this big encompassing peace that I would definitely live through the process was really huge, truly a miracle.
Believing that I would definitely survive the process gave me freedom from a battle I didn’t have to engage in.
Going through the process of cancer treatment was going to be hard enough. To not have to battle fear of death was a huge blessing.
I had many battles I did have to engage in, however.
Chemotherapy was TERRIBLE. Especially the first half. I was SO SO SO SICK. (But not everyone gets sick like this. I have a friend whose worst part of the same chemo drug was sleepiness. How wonderful that would have been! And if you are facing chemo, may sleepiness be the worst of it for you too.)
My living situation was difficult. My living situation is still difficult.
I am still quite poor, financially speaking, by first world standards.
I still battle discouragement. About my living situation. About my finances. And some other stuff.
Some of these battles, I had to fight, fight, fight. I still have to fight, fight, fight.
But I didn’t have to battle the fear of death.
And I am grateful. Because I HAVE battled that fear before, and it is awful, horrible, painful, paralyzing, excruciating.
It wasn’t like that for me with the breast cancer diagnosis.
I knew I would make it.
I knew I would survive.
It was a done deal.
I was able to see my life beyond this cancer treatment.
And being able to see it helped me to get through the treatment.
And I thank God.
If you are facing a fear, or you have a loved one facing a fear, may you receive and feel instead a HUGE WAVE of freedom and peace of knowing it will be OK.
Big huge peace to you.
photo credit: Bradley Hook & my beautiful BFF ML
To see Day 2: click HERE
