I only had to wait a few days after the biopsy to hear whether they found cancer or not. They may have been trying to reach me before 3 days, but I finally connected with them on the third day.
I was actually really surprised to find out they found cancer cells. I truly thought they would call saying they found no cancer.
However, amazingly, I was very calm about it all. Surprisingly, I was not afraid at all, and I was filled with peace upon hearing the news. This, truly, in itself is a miracle! I have had anxiety and panic attacks for many years of my life, and if this had been even just 3 or more years ago, I believe I would have been devastated and depressed.
I truly believe God gave me His peace that passes all understanding. (Philippians 4:7) There has been one other time so far that I have felt such peace in the midst of terrible news. And I am so thankful now to have this peace.
And honestly, I still get freaked out, anxious and panicky over many much smaller things, and I have even after the day I got the diagnosis. But I am much better than I used to be with everything in general, which is really wonderful.
I emailed a handful of people that I knew would pray for me immediately. I am so thankful that I have connections like this now. It has only been since I had made the commitment to really seek God with all my heart for healing (a few years ago, for other health issues, as I have mentioned in previous posts) that I have made connections with people who clearly, openly and radically believe that God heals. And this is interesting, because I had already been a Christian for 16 years at that point, and I am seeing that not all denominations believe the same about healing.
I was totally clueless about cancer before my diagnosis. Still am, really. I didn’t realize that cancer treatment has changed quite a bit from even just a few years ago, and that many people do not die from cancer anymore. Which is really great news! However, the thought of having cancer can also put the thought of death in many people, because many people still die from cancer.
But for me, I honestly did not even think that I would die from this diagnosis. I have been spending the past few years really focusing on my purpose and calling here on this earth and in this universe, and I must say I have not put much of a dent into the path still before me. My thought was: I have SO much to do still, there is NO way I am going to be dying anytime soon!
I ‘see’ myself doing things in the future: going to Africa, going to Europe, running businesses, creating beautiful and useful things, making friends around the world, and many other things that sound too crazy to admit on a blog just yet.
So my thoughts were full of the idea that I WILL live. I WILL survive this thing.
I didn’t even allow any thoughts of anything else. And I didn’t even have to try hard to think this way. It was easy, it just flowed. And I am SO thankful, because it is not always so easy. In fact, earlier in my life, this would have been impossible. I’ve come a long way, and I am SO thankful.
To anyone who has received bad news about your health, even a cancer diagnosis, or any bad news, may you be filled with the conviction that you WILL live. You WILL survive. It will ALL work out. And may it be effortless. And may you have great PEACE.
Erica
photo credit: morguefile
