The first really big thing I remember forgiving God for was a miscarriage. That miscarriage was the very most emotional pain that I had ever felt. It took me years before I finally forgave God.
I don’t know if I ever openly told anyone that I had unforgiveness toward God. I am not sure I even told God. But a wall went up, and I felt afraid to trust Him for any of His promises to us in His word.
I didn’t pray the same as before. I couldn’t. I didn’t feel the same about Him.
I didn’t believe He caused the miscarriage, but perhaps I thought He “allowed” it.
I have since come to believe that there may be many more components in a situation than merely whether or nor God wants it to happen. There is us, there are our ancestors, there are those who know us or about us and interact with us, and there is the whole spirit realm, and our enemy within it as well as the angels. There could be lots of stuff going on with that many possible individuals involved in any given situation.
So that helped me, I think.
But more impacting, I believe, was that I became desperate enough. In order to have change in my life, I was finally ready to give up the sadness I was holding onto for all the heart break and pain.
I was finally willing to do anything I had to, to have breakthrough, to have healing. And I was finally willing to get closer to God for it.
And life with God has been really amazing since I did it.
Maybe forgiving God was the biggest hurdle I had to jump over, to be able to become a more consistently forgiving person. Or a radical forgiver. And I say that because it seems that most others I have ended up forgiving after that seemed easier. Maybe I’m wrong. But it seems that way.
May we all have success with forgiveness in our biggest hurdles,